Imagine how frightened Black Stapler was on their first day on the job to find CASES of flyers with the pictured art on them. Needless to say... they were immediately thrown in the dumpster.Copyright 2008 Stapler Tales
3.31.2008
When a picture is worth MORE than 1,000 words
I don't think The Black Stapler had previously mentioned that their specialty was marketing.
Imagine how frightened Black Stapler was on their first day on the job to find CASES of flyers with the pictured art on them. Needless to say... they were immediately thrown in the dumpster.
Copyright 2008 Stapler Tales
Imagine how frightened Black Stapler was on their first day on the job to find CASES of flyers with the pictured art on them. Needless to say... they were immediately thrown in the dumpster.Copyright 2008 Stapler Tales
3.26.2008
"Wake Up, It's Time to Go Home!"
Yes this really happened in my office. On Friday.
Who was this directed at? One of the managers. Whose office is right next to the front lobby. Whose little nap had no doubt been observed by several of the employees who report to him as they left for the day.
Better yet was who said it: His boss.
Copyright 2008 Stapler Tales
Who was this directed at? One of the managers. Whose office is right next to the front lobby. Whose little nap had no doubt been observed by several of the employees who report to him as they left for the day.
Better yet was who said it: His boss.
Copyright 2008 Stapler Tales
3.24.2008
CW's
I didn't know what a CW was either until my 9th grade social studies teacher, Mr. Hatfield, enlightened me. A CW is a Clock Watcher, and I think before Mr. Hatfield became a teacher, he worked in my office.
A couple weeks ago, the entire office was herded into the conference room for a reminder on the policy regarding tardiness and other policies designed to reduce morale and otherwise remind us that we are being micromanaged out of our souls. (One is not allowed to trade their entire soul to the devil, er, management, up front for gold or vacation days, it is stolen one paragraph of the employee handbook at a time.)
Effective the day after said meeting, the receptionist was tasked with logging each person's arrival time at the office, as well as times "in" and "out" for lunch. Personally, I reached the maximum allowable tardies in 90 days, which is 3, after exactly... 3 days. I'm still here, so they can't have been too serious about actually firing people over it. Either that, or HR hasn't finished the paperwork for my last check.
Anyway, so the whole policy makes for an office full of CW's. Case in point: a colleague of mine arrived at the office one morning and there were three people in the front lobby. The moment she stepped in the door, as if those present were watching the final rally at Wimbledon, three heads swiveled up to look at the clock on the wall... and her arrival time was noted in triplicate. (White copy - HR; Yellow Copy - Manager, Pink Copy - Employee.)
Copyright 2008 Stapler Tales
A couple weeks ago, the entire office was herded into the conference room for a reminder on the policy regarding tardiness and other policies designed to reduce morale and otherwise remind us that we are being micromanaged out of our souls. (One is not allowed to trade their entire soul to the devil, er, management, up front for gold or vacation days, it is stolen one paragraph of the employee handbook at a time.)
Effective the day after said meeting, the receptionist was tasked with logging each person's arrival time at the office, as well as times "in" and "out" for lunch. Personally, I reached the maximum allowable tardies in 90 days, which is 3, after exactly... 3 days. I'm still here, so they can't have been too serious about actually firing people over it. Either that, or HR hasn't finished the paperwork for my last check.
Anyway, so the whole policy makes for an office full of CW's. Case in point: a colleague of mine arrived at the office one morning and there were three people in the front lobby. The moment she stepped in the door, as if those present were watching the final rally at Wimbledon, three heads swiveled up to look at the clock on the wall... and her arrival time was noted in triplicate. (White copy - HR; Yellow Copy - Manager, Pink Copy - Employee.)
Copyright 2008 Stapler Tales
3.21.2008
Unassembled
Our office recently moved, and I am using different furniture, so the ergonomics are different, and problematic. So I made this simple request by e-mail a little over three weeks ago:
"The keyboard tray on this desk isn't quite big enough to hold both the keyboard and mouse, which means that the mouse has been on my desktop. Unfortunately, that makes it uncomfortable to use. I've tried moving it around, but it seems the best solution is a wider tray. Can we get one of those?"
Last week, it occurs to me that two weeks have passed and I haven't heard anything about my request, so I send a second e-mail:
"It's been several weeks since I sent this request. Is there an ETA on a new keyboard tray? Please let me know what the status is."
This morning, a box arrived, a brand new "keyboard drawer." I happened to overhear that it was backordered, which explains the three+ weeks that have passed since my first request. But seriously, would it kill someone to reply to an e-mail with "we'll order one right away" or "it's backordered and should be in soon"?
So here it sits in the box. I'm debating how long to wait before I should ask about having it installed. Naturally, being a practical person, I recognize that it does not fix the problem to have the keyboard tray in a box, it needs to be attached to the desk. But if someone overlooks the obvious request for a response in my e-mails, will it occur to them that installation is required?
Copyright 2008 Stapler Tales
"The keyboard tray on this desk isn't quite big enough to hold both the keyboard and mouse, which means that the mouse has been on my desktop. Unfortunately, that makes it uncomfortable to use. I've tried moving it around, but it seems the best solution is a wider tray. Can we get one of those?"
Last week, it occurs to me that two weeks have passed and I haven't heard anything about my request, so I send a second e-mail:
"It's been several weeks since I sent this request. Is there an ETA on a new keyboard tray? Please let me know what the status is."
This morning, a box arrived, a brand new "keyboard drawer." I happened to overhear that it was backordered, which explains the three+ weeks that have passed since my first request. But seriously, would it kill someone to reply to an e-mail with "we'll order one right away" or "it's backordered and should be in soon"?
So here it sits in the box. I'm debating how long to wait before I should ask about having it installed. Naturally, being a practical person, I recognize that it does not fix the problem to have the keyboard tray in a box, it needs to be attached to the desk. But if someone overlooks the obvious request for a response in my e-mails, will it occur to them that installation is required?
Copyright 2008 Stapler Tales
3.20.2008
Protecting Valuable Resources
Me: Can I get a couple blue ball-point pens?
Office Manager: I'll need you to send me an e-mail request.
[Time elapsed: 1 minute]
Me: OK. (I walk back to my desk, and draft an e-mail which says, "Can I get a couple blue ball-point pens?")
[Time elapsed: 2 minutes]
Office Manager receives e-mail, prints a copy for the file. When convenient sometime this month, she takes her massive key ring over to the closet, unlocks the cabinet and retrieves two ball point pens (approximate value: 25 cents) and delivers them to my office.
[Time elapsed: 3 minutes]
COST ANALYSIS:
Cost of employee needing office supplies helping himself to 2 pens from a central, unlocked supply cabinet:
- 1 minute of requesting employee's salary: $0.36
- cost of pens: $0.25
- cost of post-its requesting employee forgot to mention: $0.50
TOTAL: $1.11
Cost of current procedure at my office:
- 2 minutes of requesting employees salary: $0.72
- 3 minutes of office manager's salary: $1.08
- cost of pens: $0.25
- cost to repeat process for forgotten post-its: $1.58
- cost to employee morale over not being trusted not to steal the paper clips: unknown
TOTAL: $3.63
Copyright 2008 Stapler Tales
Office Manager: I'll need you to send me an e-mail request.
[Time elapsed: 1 minute]
Me: OK. (I walk back to my desk, and draft an e-mail which says, "Can I get a couple blue ball-point pens?")
[Time elapsed: 2 minutes]
Office Manager receives e-mail, prints a copy for the file. When convenient sometime this month, she takes her massive key ring over to the closet, unlocks the cabinet and retrieves two ball point pens (approximate value: 25 cents) and delivers them to my office.
[Time elapsed: 3 minutes]
COST ANALYSIS:
Cost of employee needing office supplies helping himself to 2 pens from a central, unlocked supply cabinet:
- 1 minute of requesting employee's salary: $0.36
- cost of pens: $0.25
- cost of post-its requesting employee forgot to mention: $0.50
TOTAL: $1.11
Cost of current procedure at my office:
- 2 minutes of requesting employees salary: $0.72
- 3 minutes of office manager's salary: $1.08
- cost of pens: $0.25
- cost to repeat process for forgotten post-its: $1.58
- cost to employee morale over not being trusted not to steal the paper clips: unknown
TOTAL: $3.63
Copyright 2008 Stapler Tales
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